Are you one of the many people are approaching the holidays with a bit of trepedation? Are you feeling a sense of 'lack' and a bit distracted? Would you prefer to be completely present with your loved ones?
To make sure you' are fully present with you are with them and not off on an overwelmed outpost somewhere of your own making and missing all the fun, follow these three simple guidelines and use the examples to spur your own creativity!
#1 - Be Calm: first, let's look at what calm isn't, it isn't comatose and shut off from your feelings. Nor is it chilly (and you know what I mean) It's a peaceful mix of reason and emotions. Say for example, you've looked at the budget * and realize there's 'only' $xxxx for holiday shopping. On your wheel of fear you can go to either extreme: afraid and tight fisted: "We have $xxxx dollars for the holidays and that's it so everybody back off" or the other extreme too much emotion and a desire to put off any discomfort: "Things are so tough right now, let treat ourselves and put it on the credit card this one last time". Either way causes stress all around eventually.
*(if you're response, was 'what budget?' drop me a line below and I'll send you an article to support you fearlessly with that as well) How do you get calm? Start with taking a breathe and then consider your tool of Gratitude. It has a way of always putting fear in it's place. I think it's profoundly important that a day of thanksgiving always kicks off our holiday season. "We have xxxx dollars more than zero dollars for holidays this year" This is more than just a 'glass is half full' approach. It's a willingness to believe that all challenges are an opportunity for growth and skill development and choice. A few christmas's ago my husband gave me a quilt that says "We may not have it all together, but together we have it all." That has become a motto of ours. When we focus on what is working and all that we do have it enables us to deal with what's not working, or what we don't have, tons more easily. Which brings us to the next 'C'# 2 Be williing to be Creative: Consider all resources available to you instead of just one.
For example, focusing on only your financial resources can hang you up. Consider the differences between these two women as they are both faced with the prospecct of taking their family to the Thanksgiving Day Parade. Which one resembles you? Case 1: GillianGillian's children ask if they can go to the Parade, 'Sounds like it will be a shlep' , she thinks. "I don't think so kids' says a weary Gillian as she rattles off what she imagines the cost of a parking lot in the city on a holiday, the distance, the cost of breakfast, lunch and snacks for a family of four and all that could go wrong. 'What if we get seperated' she reasons or 'what if it rains' etc. and before long, she's talked herself and them out of it completely. Gillian is working hard to stay in her comfort zone so she's only willing to look at her financial resources and what could go wrong. Ironically, the cost of the dinner she worked diligently to prepare, coupled with the movie and popcorn the rest of the family went to afterward (Gillian didn't go, she was too tired after preparing dinner) came to much more than she had calculated for the day at the parade and at the end of the day she felt unappreiciated and exhausted."Another thanksgiving" she mumbles as she drifts off to sleep. Did Gillian make 'wrong' choices? Absolutely not! She simply made the choices she was comfortable with and used the resources she was used to using. She wasn't interested in looking for opportunities and possibilities which would have meant calling on additional, though non financial resources. Let's have a look at Sophia. Case 2: SophiaSofia's kids ask, can we go to the Parade this year. "I don't know, let's see" She's open to the possibilty. She gets the children involved and together they put all their resources into action, thier finances, the parade website, weather, parking options, travel time, meal needs, logistics. After looking at everything the whole family determines that it's possible but instead of a traditional dinner with all the trimmings it would be back pack meals and a crock pot dinner when they get home. Everyone agrees it's a fair trade off for the adventure. Leaving her Comfort ZoneSofia never done this before but leaving her comfort zone is something Sofia has learned to love as she has applied fearless living principles and is using all the resourses available to her. Her creativity and industry and sense of fun keeps her family investing in the resources they do have available to them and keeps them creating memory after memory. Was she exhausted at the end of the day? "Oh man was I. But I wouldn't trade this kind of exhaustion for the world. the kids talked about the parade for days and days afterward and we got a bunch of pictures."When you're only willing to consider one resource, you're on your wheel of fear. Consider all that is available to you with a willing heart, you'll be amazed at what you can come up with and that willingness to be creative with doing instead of being creative with procrastinating and looking for ways out of things. # 3 Be Connected to the real needs. Are you giving gifts from a place of need or a place of guilt? "I really haven't spent enough time with them" or "I really blew my top about such and such" or "I really gave them a hard time about....": or " I feel like I'm screwing this or that up..well maybe this present will show them how much I really do care." If it's guilt, Step away from the credit card and go for a walk (yes, even if it's cold!) and ask yourself what you and/or your children or spouse, or extended family really need and then be quiet and listen. Not for the thing that will make them happy for a day, or that makes it easy to put something in a box, but the thing that shows you've been paying attention. Have a wonderful holiday and take the time as you move forward to find pleasure and gratitude in the little things. Fear Less. Live MoreDeborah
